


Dark Is the Way, Light Is a Place

by rudennotgingr



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-14
Updated: 2014-05-14
Packaged: 2018-01-24 20:18:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1615784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rudennotgingr/pseuds/rudennotgingr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rose has some last minute hesitations.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dark Is the Way, Light Is a Place

**Author's Note:**

> Based off the following prompt from curatiolethe: "Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, but trusting them not to." Thank you to almondina for helping with the idea. You're a live saver. Unbeta'd, all mistakes are mine.

"We don't have to do this, Rose. If you want to just do a ceremony on Earth," the Doctor took a deep breath, bracing himself, "Jackie included, then that's fine. Or if you don't want to do anything, that’s fine too." He took her hands from where they rested in her lap, bringing them to his lips. brushing them teasingly over her knuckles, sending subtle tingles down her arms. He held her hands over his chest as they sat facing each other, sitting cross legged in the middle of his large four post bed. His hearts beat unsteadily in his chest, and he looked at her with a rare open vulnerability that made her single human heart overflow with unbridled affection. "Whatever you want, love."

It was a testament to how much he loved her, offering to do things the Earth way. The human way. The _domestic_ way. It should have been reassuring. Instead, a renewed sense of anxiety rippled through her, and she worried her bottom lip.

It's not that she didn't love him. She did. It was a fierce, unconditional love that she felt deep in her soul. As if she was made to love him. She was certain he felt the same, even if he didn't always say it...she knew. By the soft, unguarded look in his eyes when he watched her and he thought she wasn't looking. By the way he held her tightly when they had narrowly escaped danger, breathing her in to reassure himself that she was safe and alive. By the way he made love to her, as if she was a goddess and he was worshipping every part of her. By the way he held her through the night, even when he didn't need the sleep. All of his actions, reinforced the three words he used sparingly, but always full of meaning.

Pledging to spend your life with someone was one thing, merging your mind with someone for all of eternity was something else. She knew it wasn't a merge so much as a...oh, what did he call it? Awareness? Yes, an awareness of the other person's consciousness and the ability to share certain thoughts and feelings.

He told her he would teach her how to close things off, keep things hidden, the same way he could. Not because they were prone to keeping secrets. But there were still things he kept buried deep, old wounds and demons that he wasn’t ready to share. It was only fair that he teach her to do the same.

She didn't have anything to hide from him. She was willing to open herself up, let him see every aspect of who she was. She loved him so much it hurt, her heart aching with the sheer force and scope of it all. She wanted him to know, always, how much he was loved. Even when he didn't think he deserved it. _Especially_ when he thought he didn't deserve it.

The moments that preceded those wrongful assumptions, were what concerned her. They were moments when he snapped, someone pushing him just a little too far, until the darkness swirled around him and the Oncoming Storm was unleashed in all his righteous fury. She had seen it more plainly with her first Doctor, his blue eyes frothing with the rage crashing within. But she had seen it in this Doctor as well. It was always there, bubbling just below the surface. He wasn't as quick to anger, she liked to think she had something to do with that, but he had stuck hard and fast to one rule.

_No second chances._

They had come a long way since _run_ , since _rude and not ginger_...since _forever_. She understood the guilt he felt over the Time War, had helped ease his nightmares, had tried to help heal his wounds as best as she could. She wasn't naive, she knew the darkness would never truly leave, the anger and the guilt would still rear their ugly heads from time to time. They did so even now. Those were the times he made rash decisions, sending her away, trying to make her choices for her...making love to her in an entirely different way. Those were the times sex was hard and fast, often leaving marks on her skin, in a rush to feel something other than rage and despair, using her light to chase away his darkness. And that was what worried her.

She knew the Doctor would never hurt her. And the marks he left during their frantic love making were always welcome. It was the shadows. When they formed a mental link, she knew she would be able to see them, but would they seep into her consciousness as well? Would the burdens that he, a 900 year old Time Lord, struggled with weigh down on her just as heavily? Pressing all around until she gave into the darkness, unable to chase it away from the both of them?

“We don’t have to do anything,” he said softly, his eyes watching her carefully. How long had she been lost in thought for? His gaze flicked down for a moment, to their hands in his lap, then back up. “Just if you’ve changed your mind about this...about us...I don’t, that is--”

“Stop,” she soothed, squeezing his fingers still threaded between hers. “It’s not that I don’t want to be with you, I do. Forever, yeah?”

“Yeah,” he replied with half a grin, quickly turning serious and concerned again. “Then what is it?”

She hesitate, weighing her options. It would come out sooner or later. And she would rather start things off being open and honest. “Will I be enough?” she murmured, her voice breaking at the end.

“What?” His eyes darted between hers, trying to decipher the meaning behind her question.

“I don’t mean...enough to make you happy, or whatever. I know you are. Or at least happier than you were. Just, let me finish,” she urged, tilting her head and giving him a warning look as he opened his mouth to interrupt. His jaw clicked shut and he nodded. “I’m not even quite sure what I mean. You have this...this darkness about you, and it’s fine, it’s part of who you are and I’m not asking you to change just for me. And I know you say that I make you better, and I believe you. But it will always be there, in some shape or form. What if, after we do the...the bond...what if it’s too much? You’re a Time Lord...and I’m just...a human girl from the estate. What if it bleeds into me and I can’t stop it?”

A shadow settled across the Doctor’s features, the very darkness she was referring to swirling and billowing in his brown eyes. He let their hands fall to his lap and she could see the guilt eating away at him. The muscle in his jaw clenched tightly and although he was still looking at her, he was no longer _seeing_ her.

“Doctor,” she pressed, unable to stop now that she started. “What if that happens, and then I can no longer help you be better?”

He blinked, the storm clouds gathering behind his gaze fizzling out of existence. “I’m sorry, hang on. Did you just say you were worried about my demons, not because of how it would affect you in the long run, but because it might keep you from helping me deal with them?”

She nodded, unsure about his sudden shift in mood.

He smiled at her softly, the gentle curl of his lips sending warmth from her head to her toes. Letting go of her hands in order to cradle her face, he stared intently into her eyes. “Rose Tyler, you are brilliant. You are so much more than just a human girl from the estate. You stand up for what’s right and what you believe in. You stand up to me when I need someone to tell me to stop. And most importantly, to me at any rate, maybe not to the universe. Although...the universe really _should_ be eternally in your debt for this one, because it helps everyone out in the long run. Point is, your love makes me want to be better, makes me want to be worthy of the gift you have given me. You make me happiest I’ve ever been in a very, _very_ long time. I trust you with my life,” he paused, leaning closer to place a kiss on her forehead, “and with my hearts.”

Rose stared at him, tears gathering in her eyes. She wasn’t sure what it was about the words he had spoken to her, but something in them quelled the anxiety that had been seeping into her veins. He may not have said it out loud, but she could read it in his eyes as if the TARDIS was translating it for her, _I need you_.

She returned his smile and pressed small kisses to the inside of each of his wrists before gripping them with her hands. She moved his hands until his fingers were brushing her temples. His eyes widened almost imperceptibly and she watched his adam’s apple bob as he swallowed around a lump in his throat.

“Rose...we don’t…”

“I know.”

“I’m not going to lie, this is something I want,” he confessed, his voice dropping to the lower register that always made heat coil in the pit of her stomach. “Very badly. With you. But you can’t take it back.”

“I trust you. With my life, my heart…” she paused, brushing her thumbs over his skin, delighting in the way he shivered at her touch. “And my mind.” 

He rested his forehead against hers, a slight tremble in his arms as she kept his hands anchored in place.

“Together?” he asked, angling his head to whisper against her lips.

“Together,” she affirmed, sealing the promise with a kiss just as he opened the mental link and let his love wash over her, no darkness to be found.


End file.
